Six Ways of Looking at Clouds

[Guest]

If you are logged in and you're seeing this, please return to the homepage and click on the Forum link in the menu bar to refresh the session.

[prettytree]

I
Diaphanous dollops of pearlescent white
Painted into my afternoon sky
Harbor a golden glimmer of light
Too beautiful to be named “cloud�
   
II
A cloudless sky
Called his uneasiness
Confirmed his instinct,
That a cat had called
   
III
Grandpa's dilapidated t-shirts
Hung on the back yard clothesline
With purple cloud colored clothespins

IV
Sometimes the clouds
Reading my mind
Puff themselves up
To look giddy and kind
So I might smile
Linger awhile
Confess aloud
“I love you cloud!�
   
V
Santa Clause's beard
Marshmallow fluff
Snow white sheep's herd
Cotton in the rough
All of them, all, on my list of top ten
Seen in the clouds past my daddy's red hen

VI   .
Curious, contrary, clumsy, clouds
Can always be eaten
At the end of a campfire stick
            

[HavocHeart]

I love this poem!

I love how you have worked at making several different topics have a common theme- that of clouds, to tie them all together.  The first part just rolls off the tongue- it is beautiful!

I'm not sure what part II is about.  I like that you made the clouds in this part non-existent, and yet worthy of mention, and a complete metaphor.  But I'm not sure what you meant by a cat had called.

Part III takes us back to literal clouds- or are they?  This is great- the clothespins are cloud colored- white, right?  And yet you tell us they are actually purple! 

Even as beautiful as the first part is, my favorite is part IV.  I love that you have given the clouds personality, giving them vanity and greed in wanting your love.  Too cool!

Part V is great- talks about all the things you've seen in the clouds- and then lets us know that you saw them, past the red hen!   Great visualization of you as a child, lying on the ground, next to a red hen, looking at the clouds!

And then once more with the metaphors, clouds as marshmallows!  Love it!

[alchemiholic]

Is this a Wallace Stevens homage?

Very pretty, and I like the shifting moods.

You may want to chill on the descriptors. Makes it tough to get through.

It also feels like you run out of steam as you go on - the latter sections seem more like cute/playful filler. Not that there's much wrong with cute/playful filler, especially in a poem about clouds, but I'd consider mixing it up a little to hold the reader's interest.

[Stellar]

These are gorgeous images!

It could be my love of Graeme Base but this one is my absolute favorite!

VI   .
Curious, contrary, clumsy, clouds
Can always be eaten
At the end of a campfire stick

[Brian]

I enjoy your use of alliteration in: diaphanous dollops, golden glimmer, curious, contrary, clumsy, clouds. And the metaphor beard, marshmallow, sheep's herd, Grandpa's dilapidated t-shirts