I used to be a lot of interesting things, but the 2009 world marketplace has decided that the only way I can make money is by painting. Therefore, my job is "painter." I have a girlfriend who is distinctly out of my league and a mean old tortoiseshell cat named Baba Yaga. I live in Las Vegas, where the rule is "poor man last, rich man first." As a poor man, I'm not really digging it. I'm also America's foremost writer of cutting-edge filthy limericks, but I seem to be doomed to anonymity in that regard.

If you know how I can improve the mountains on Beer in Hell, I'd sure like to hear your suggestions! I'm not really experienced at painting landscapes. And if you know someone with the same sick and far-out taste in art that I have, I'd like to meet that person! Hook us up.

In the unlikely event that you see something in my art that you don't know how to do, I'll do my neanderthal best to explain it. And if you're coming to Las Vegas I can tell you how to eat, drink, stay, and get lap dances for cheap!